What is the definition of 'Liberty'?

Liberty is defined, usually, as “freedom from restraint”, “freedom beyond normal limits”, “a deviation from rules and standard etiquette”, a “risk”.

This blog is all those things and then some. Or, at least, I hope it will be as I build on it.

For you to better understand why I created this blog, and why I chose the moniker 'Liberty' for myself and as a theme for this first post, I'm going to go a bit into myself and my history.

I was raised in very religious heavy/sexually repressed environment. Sex was only something spoken about in a passing mention to wait until marriage, or as a warning about contracting a sexually transmitted disease. Even then, very few- if any details were given about sex.

Despite this, sex has always been an interest of mine.

It started from a very young age. I am a victim of childhood sexual molestation. The event in question only happened once, but it affected me in many ways. I have yet to find a single positive out come from the experience, and I in do not see being molested as a good thing. I am not thankful that it happened, but I have (mostly) come to terms with it.

It instilled the idea of sexual contact in my mind, and that never went away. At my home all my questions went unanswered. My family pretended I had never asked and reminded me to stay a virgin until marriage.

Oddly enough, I was never really into self-exploration, at least not until I got my first computer around the age of 12. Porn is readily available on the internet, and I quickly found it. Anything I could have ever wondered about sex was right at my finger tips. It was almost empowering.

Then there was middle school, with one single sex education class that consisted of “here is how you insert a tampon” in the eighth grade. I don't remember much of that class, but I do remember having a friend who had been held back several years and had hit puberty early on. She had several boyfriends and thousands (which is only a slight exaggeration) of stories to tell about them. I was always interested in what she had to say. Admittedly, I was incredibly envious she was off doing what I wanted to do. For a graduation present from the eighth grade she gave me a box of condoms, which I never got around to using. (By the time I did get around to losing my virginity, they had expired.)

There is a whole bunch of history to go through. First boyfriends and first kisses, the first time a man put his hand up my shirt. The abusive ex-fiance' with the golden shower fetish. Quite a bit of sexual history.

But not quite enough, it seems.

Despite the former paragraphs about my sexual history and interest, I have always been “the good child.” Got exceedingly good grades, was in honors classes, never smoked or drank or partied. Sex is the one outlet I have ever allowed myself to have, but even then not allowed myself to have completely.

There is still that bit of shame, guilt, and humiliation. I'm an incredibly open, kinky person but even I feel that twinge of “oh no, I can't believe I just said that!” when discussing my fantasies with my partner. I don't feel that I have allowed myself to fully experience the wonderful world of sex.

I'm hoping this blog will change that. Hence, Liberty. Through posting about my fantasies and experiences, through reviewing new products I want to try, through putting all the deep, dark, dirty bits about me out there I hope to liberate myself and become a happier, sex-positive person- because, despite the above, despite all the "no sex" crap life has thrown at me, I really do enjoy the act.

Only time will really tell, but I have a feeling this is a step in the right direction.

So, with all that said, Hello Blogworld. Welcome to my sex life.